Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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