I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
