I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
