I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
