If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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