i think my tv is drunk
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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