just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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