He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
