Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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