he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
