Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
