KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
