Buhtt sex?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
