We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
