it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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