Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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