he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
