My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
