Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
