THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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