Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
