dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
