i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
