blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
