My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
