When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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