i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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