There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
