There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
