Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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