kristin has been a bad kristin
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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