yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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