she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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