Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
