addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
