Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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