Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Randomize
