We won't sleep together?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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