She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
