Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
