how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
