They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
