I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
