4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
