You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I still have a little drunk in my system
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
