If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
