he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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