Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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