u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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