yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
and she was petting her beer can
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
