I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
we made out on top of his cat.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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