It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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