If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
