I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
