i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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