you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
