apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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