So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
