A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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