My underwear smells like fireworks.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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