Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
