i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
