Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
