do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
