When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
