I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
