This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
