Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
