I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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