good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
