I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
