george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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